


Stay

by Amrei



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Baby!Bae, F/M, Rumbelle Secret Santa 2015, Wet nurse!Belle, Woobie!Rumplestiltskin, spinner!rumplestiltskin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 23:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5474321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrei/pseuds/Amrei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His son was dying and there was nothing Rumplestiltskin could do to save him. </p><p>(Spinner!Rumple and wet nurse!Belle AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue + Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChrissyKP](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrissyKP/gifts).



> My RSS gift for ChrissyKP.
> 
> I had a lovely time as your santa and I hope you have just as much fun reading your gift as I had writing it (I really, really hope so, as I was a little unsure about it at first. Spinner!Rumple is just the most woobie of them all and I had to brainstrom a little, before I could think of a take of his story that had not already been done by far better authors than myself ;) ).
> 
>  **Prompt:** Woobie!Rumple Nervous First Kiss

**Prologue**

The early evening was bright and unusually warm for this time of year. Rumplestiltskin strolled down the road as briskly as his injured leg allowed. It had greatly improved since he had first hobbled himself, but he would still never be able to go without his staff again and under normal circumstances he would have chosen a more leisurely pace to spare the injured joint. Today was no usual day though, and he feared that what little bravery he had would leave him, if he dared to pause, to think about what he was about to do.

It was strange to think that this evening would turn out to be either one of the best or the worst days of his life. There was the day he first held Bae, of course, which would forever be one of the happiest days he’d have and the day he had married Milah, no matter that the memory was forever soured for him by what had happened later on. Still, he had been so very hopeful that day. He had just really wanted to believe that everything would be better from then on and for a while it had truly seemed as if it would. A short time, yes, but a good time none the less.

Rumplestiltskin didn’t know if today would be one of the days that would forever warm him from then on, or if it was one of those that soured all that went before, but he knew that he had to find out now, before life caught up with him again and made his choice redundant.

He was deadly afraid of what was going to happen, he truly was. Still, he took courage in the knowledge that there would be nothing he could accuse himself of after that. He was brave for once and he couldn’t let himself ruin this little achievement again.

At least Belle would not be cruel, no matter what her answer would be, she was far too kind for that. Even if she turned him down, she would do it with soft words and kind eyes. Which was just as well, as he didn’t think he could stand to see the disgust the rest of the village harboured for him mirrored in her face…

Rumplestiltskin swallowed nervously as his home appeared in the distance. Part of his newfound bravery was probably founded in petty selfishness. This way, no matter what happened, he wouldn’t have to pretend that he was happy for her when she finally found someone worthy of her. Even if he truly believed her and didn’t put the blame for all these futile deaths at his own feet, this was all the proof he needed to see that he was a rotten person.

If he were a good person he would wish for her to find a good man, someone worthy of her, or at least as worthy as anyone could ever be, someone not him. He was selfish, though, and there was nothing he wanted more than for her and Feli to stay with them, to be a proper family.

He was selfish, so he took one last deep breath and continued onward.

**Chapter One**

_Before:_

The shadows of the huts around him were already bleeding into the dawning night, when Rumplestiltskin forced himself to take yet another step towards the next house, one of the last possible ones left.

The shutters were already closed for the night, but he knew that the occupants would still be awake. Dusk was settling fast on the village, but these were a hard-working folk, that couldn’t spare precious hours that could be used for work just because night creeped up on them so early this time of year; not if it could be helped with nothing more but a bit of candlelight.

The streets, too, were emptying quickly and only the last stragglers from the fields passed him on their way home. No one looked at him, no one spoke, or cursed, or spat. Instead of a relief from his newly earned ostracism, it was a sharp reminder of his situation: Even supposedly bad blood could sweeten an infant’s death only so much and while they weren’t willing to help, they still didn’t want to see what their inaction would reap.

Heat build behind his eyes and once more the tears, he had managed to hold back for so long now, threatened to spill. Rumplestiltskin pressed his eyes shut and willed them to hold just a bit longer. If he broke down now, he knew that he wouldn’t soon get a hold of himself again and then everything would be lost for good.

A deep breath and he bit down hard on his lip, gathering the strength to haul himself forward again, his weight carefully levelled on his staff. Just a little bit longer and- Rumplestiltskin hissed in pain, as his feet stepped onto the ground again. His bad leg was about to give out underneath him, the only part of his thoroughly frozen body, that hadn’t gone numb from the cold yet and every step he took only made the swelling worse. He could feel the hot puss pressing against his drawn skin, the one part of him that didn’t feel cold to the bone, and even this was no comfort in the face of the agony it was bought with.

Carefully he switched his crutch from his left to his right side. The next step would be easier, putting his weight on his good leg and then… Then he’d have to endure for just a little longer. For Bae.

He couldn’t afford to pause too long, but even the relative slight pain of a step with his good leg left him breathless, so he allowed himself to stand still for just a moment. Rumplestiltskin reached under his coat, to the sling with his precious cargo and lightly stroked his son’s soft tuft of her. His hand, too, had gone numb in the cold and he was careful not to touch the babe directly with his cold skin, but his sweet lad still turned his head away from the relative warmth of his chest and snuggled against his hand. His warm puffs of breath burned the frozen skin, but the sharp feeling put a tired smile on his face. His boy was still holding on, and so would he.

Somehow the thought gave him the strength to bear the pain of another step and another and yet another, until the pain filled his whole consciousness. Still, he had to go on. Even if Bae could make it just for a little longer, this was his last chance, for after this, he’d have to count himself lucky if he was able to walk again next week, not to mention the next day. No, tomorrow would be too late, so he ignored the pain shooting up his leg, now no longer only at every step, but at every movement, every little shudder.

Rumplestiltskin wasn’t sure how he managed to finally reach the door. His legs were trembling underneath him and he could barely think through the fog of pain that filled his mind in a dim cloud. Somehow sheer determination had carried him the last few paces and his breath came rattling, when he knocked on the door. The quiet noise from within stopped at once, but no one came to the door. Fear chocked him, and for a moment he could even forget the pain, as he knocked even louder. “Please, come out!”

Long breathless moments passed, before he could hear movement on the other side, the scratch of a chair being pushed back and the echo of slow steps, and finally a women opened the door, child on her hips and frown on her face. She looked straight ahead, but he might as well not have been there for all that she looked right through him.

“Be gone coward, there’s nothing for you here.” Her harsh tone on the other hand was levelled at him directly enough and he winced, no matter how expected the words were. He had heard any variation of them throughout his fruitless searching that day. They were not unexpected, but that did not lessen the blow and his chest constricted as he already sensed how this conversation, too, would end, even though it mustn’t.

“Please”, Rumplestiltskin almost chocked on the words in his haste to get them out. “Please, I need your help for my boy. I’ll compensate you, I’ll do anything, just-“ Always the same words, the same pleas and the same reaction.

“I said be gone!” she hissed and the little girl in her arms shrank back at her tone. Startled, she shifted the little girl in her arms and for a moment her face softened as she stroked her curls reassuringly until she settled again. For a moment hope bloomed within him, and Rumplestiltskin dared to think that maybe form one parent to another she would change her mind, but when she turned towards Rumplestiltskin again and finally met his gaze, her eyes were hard.

“There’s nothing to be done about bad blood. My husband died in the war and I’d rather starve myself, before I help the one who forsook him and all the other brave men that actually fought to keep us save.”

„Please-“ His voice was barely more than a rasp when he wanted to shout, to plead, but the woman had already turned away and shut the door.

“Please!” His voice broke down into a strained cough, but he managed to be louder this time, to drown out the wind. He could feel their eyes on him, from behind almost shuttered windows and barely ajar doors. “Please, not for me, but he’s… he’s just a boy! He’ll starve!” His throat felt as if something in it had ripped, but his voice carried loud and clear over the empty town square. They could hear him, they all did, but the doors stayed shut and the alleys dark and he was still alone and helpless. “Please!”

No one came and no one would come and he barely registered when his legs finally gave out underneath him and he fell to the hard ground. It was more instinct than conscious thought that made him reach for the sling under his cloak, but Bae was still snuggled securely to his chest, shielded from the wind and still on the brink of dying because he was his father. Carefully he stroked his soft wisp of hair. It was finer than the best yarn he had ever managed to produce, and if he couldn’t think of something to do, it would take days rather than weeks, until his sweet boy was no more.

“He’s just a boy…” Hot tears ran down his cheeks and burned his frozen skin. “Please….”

But still no one answered and slowly a thought crept into his mind, cold and poisonous and oh so tempting. Maybe if he somehow made it to the next town, or rather still the one after that, where no one knew who he was, and just left him on the doorway of some hut… If only no one knew that Bae was his son, no one would accuse him of having bad blood and see what a good boy he was in truth… The thought of abandoning his own child, even with the best of intentions, made his chest constrict, but no matter how much the thought of other people raising his son hurt him, at least he would live…

Rumplestiltskin sat up straighter at this last glimmer of hope, and the pain of moving his leg left him breathless for a moment. With cold dread he slumped down again. Even if he could truly bear to give up his son, the one good thing that was left to him, it would not matter. He would be happy, if he managed to crawl home that night, not to mention going to the next town or even further…

Alone in the cold, he could almost hear Milah’s voice again, just before she’d gone. He truly was a failure, and even if he could never believe that his Baelfire had anything resembling bad blood, as much as he had sired him, he slowly started to see that it truly might have been better if he had just died in the war. Yes, Milah might still have left her son behind, unable to cope as she had been alone with a sick infant, but at least the rest of the town would have been better disposed towards Bae if he had just done the brave thing and died for them…

“Come”, the voice was barely more than a whisper, but in the echoing silence it startled Rumplestiltskin just like a shout. He whirled around, or rather he tried to. The harsh contact with the ground had robbed his frozen limbs of the last bit of their mobility, and he fell forward in his try to turn around. Somehow he managed to catch himself before he collided with the ground with his precious load, and slowly he crawled around. His leg sent liquid fire through his veins, but he couldn’t let that stop him, not now.

Between two huts stood a young woman, brown curls spilling over the thick cloak she huddled in, and levelled him with a blank look. He needed a moment to identify her as the daughter of the smith and it was at him to barely meet her eyes then. The last time he could remember seeing her, was when she’d bidden farewell to her husband, just before the troop had left the town, heavy with his child. He’d died just like the rest of his unit, just after Rumplestiltskin had fled. Another woman he had helped make a widow, another child he’d left fatherless…

“Come with me”.

For a moment he only stared at her, unable to believe that he had heard right, but then he hastened his tries to struggle to his feet, because even if he had misheard, the mere chance of a young mother offering them her help was too good to risk.

She hesitated for a long moment, before she finally took his arm and hauled him to his feet. Even with the help of his staff Rumplestiltskin was sure that he’d loose his footing just as fast as he had regained it, but somehow he managed to stand more or less securely.

The smith’s daughter licked her lips uncertainly, first looking at his shaking legs and then, finally, at his face. “Are you sure you can walk?”

“Yes!” The answer was over his lips, before his mind had even fully registered her question and she looked unconvinced at his confidence and rightly so. In truth he was quite convinced that the honest answer would have been no, that he had barely the strength to remain upright, but her uncertainty was by far the best reaction he had received to his plea and he could simply not risk to sway her against helping him. Cautious gladness filled him, when she didn’t simply walk away upon his display.

“Where is your boy in any case?”

It was a slight struggle to free a hand from his staff without losing his hold, but Rumplestiltskin managed as he opened his cloak to show her the sleeping boy and the effort was well worth it, when she gifted Bae with a wan smile and Rumplestiltskin couldn’t help but smile in turn. “That’s my Baelfire.”

If he only could manage to walk a bit father he would have won, for he knew that no one who had seen what a fine boy his Bae was, could ever believe the whole talk of bad blood and truly, when he closed his cloak against the cold again, she motioned for him to follow.

Carefully, he dragged himself forward again, towards her and the relief of not crumbling instantly was at least for the moment enough to carry him even further through his stumbling.

The girl, for she was truly barely old enough to be called a woman, child or no child, still eyed him doubtfully, but she said nothing more of the matter as she lead him towards the smithy and he was glad for it.

 


	2. Chapter Two

For a moment Rumplestiltskin almost wished he could just turn around and run away, forget all about his problems and just hide inside his hut, bared from the rest of the world. He couldn’t of course, not when Bae had been too weak to cry for days now and he finally had some hope for help. Still, even the relief that his legs had somehow managed to carry him this far, was only a slight balm to his uncomfortableness. It had been a long time, since he had been invited into one of the grander houses in the village, and even though even those were not truly impressive when compared to those of the richer market towns, he had visited in better times to sell his wares, the strange décor the refugees from Avonlea had brought with them in their flight from the Ogres not quite two generations back, only helped to make him feel out of place.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and almost instantly regretted it, when the movement drove the air from his lungs in a startled gasp. His hostess turned away from the hearth, were she had lightened a candle in the glowing embers, and looked at him questioningly. Her brown curls shone red in the dim light and Rumplestiltskin felt his chest constrict. He had no place here, in such a grand space, before such a beautiful woman. One misstep and she would realise it too, and then all would be lost. He finally shook his head appeasingly, but it was too little too late, and suddenly there was a stiffness between them, that almost threatened to choke him.

He swallowed hard, thinking rapidly about anything to say that would lift the heavy silence and would distract her from asking herself what exactly she was doing here. “Where is Maurice, madam?” She looked a little startled at the questions, as if she had just been deep in thought and Rumplestiltskin had to force himself not to sigh with relief. His distraction seemed to have been just in time.

She gestured to a door in the far corner. “Father has already gone to bed. His injury always pains him when the first cold comes.” Her tone was even, almost as if this was a normal conversation and not her being pressured by a mother’s compassion to endure the coward for as long as it took to help a child and Rumplestiltskin felt strangely warm as he nodded. Everyone knew that the smith had injured his leg at work some decades ago and even though the mighty man was still as capable as ever at the anvil, the injury had prevented him from going to war – probably the only reason why his daughter and grandchild had not been left all alone to fend for themselves.

There was an empty cradle not far from the hearth, an old rocking chair by its side, and she gestured for him to follow, as she sat the candle down on a board to the side. Carefully Rumplestiltskin hobbled the last few paces towards her and freed Baelfire from his sling. In the time it took him to finally reach her, she had already shed her cloak and started to loosen the laces of her bodice with utter nonchalance.

Of course, there truly was nothing more natural than a woman nurturing a child, and Rumplestiltskin had seen countless woman do the very same at the market or in the streets. There was nothing to it, but the low light cast her skin in a golden glow and made the whole scene somehow more personal. A woman in her own home, nursing a child. A mother as she should be. Heat rose to his face and he truly wanted to lower his gaze, but he just couldn’t when she guided Bae’s head to her bosom and he finally started to suckle. Tentatively at first, almost as if even this was almost too much strain for him, but soon enough with new vigour. A smile bloomed on Rumplestiltskin’s face and when she finally looked up from her charge, the smith’s daughter returned it wanly. “He is hungry, and weaker than he should be, but I think he should be well in time.”

Rumplestiltskin laughed breathlessly and silenced himself, when he heard what he had done. It would be best for all involved, if he just faded into the background while she nursed, but now she was looking at him again, and he just couldn’t help himself in the face of, if not exactly friendliness, than at least the absence of open disdain. “I- I hoped so. I tried to nurse him with goat’s milk, after Milah- afterwards. But he didn’t like it much and what he ate always came back up again, at least in part.” Despite himself, his eyes were still fixed on the scene before him, on his son, who finally seemed interested in nourishment again and the gladness loosened his tongue even further. “The hedge witch and the midwife both wouldn’t talk to me, and when he stopped crying, I was just so afraid-“

Rumplestiltskin stopped abruptly, but the words were already out. For a moment he almost dared to believe that she had not noticed the slip of his tongue, when she simply continued holding Bae, but his hopes were quickly crushed when she finally spoke again.

“Well, goat’s milk is a poor substitute for mother’s milk. Some children strive on it, but others don’t and Baelfire seems to be one of them.” She paused for a moment, before she looked at him again. He couldn’t quite make out her gaze in the half-dark, and that was almost worse than the certainty of a frown would have been. “What sort of crying did you mean?”

Rumplestiltskin finally managed to tear his eyes from her, his gaze now glued just as firmly to the floor as it had been on her. He couldn’t bear to see the disgust creep in her face and dash his last hopes, as he himself erased the last doubts she had had about agreeing with the rest of the town about his son’s supposedly bad blood.

“He- He started crying at odd hours, just after he was born. He exhausts himself and… I manage to sooth him, but not for too long.” He forced himself to breathe in deeply and look at her again. Her face was still cast in shadows, but at least she was still cradling Bae and for now that was all that mattered. “He is a good lad, really. Sweet and easy when he doesn’t cry, there’s nothing wrong with him, but… Milah- she just didn’t know what to do with him, it was all just too much for her, and after I came back like I did… No one wanted to help us, and… she- they- everyone just blamed it on bad blood, but you have to believe me, there’s no better lad than him, he just can’t calm himself sometimes.”

There it was, the whole truth, the reason why Milah had packed her things and left her infant son behind when she just couldn’t take it anymore, and Rumplestiltskin was honestly surprised when she didn’t just shove his son back to him. Instead she nodded after a short pause. “That sounds like colic. Felicienne didn’t have it, but one of the neighbour’s children did.” Her voice was soft, when she continued. “It’s nothing serious, just very uncomfortable for the two of you, and it should go away with time.”

Rumplestiltskin struggled to register her words. Of course he had always know that there was nothing truly wrong with his boy, who had been so energetic when he hadn’t had to cry, but to hear someone else admit it was more than he had ever dared to hope for. When he looked up again, her face held nothing but honesty. “Truly?” The words stumbled from his tongue without his doing, a miserable quiet whisper, and for the first time, she granted him a real smile. “Truly.”

Sheer relief flooded him and for a moment he couldn’t feel his pain or his fear or anything else, but the warmth that flooded him at the thought that everything might just turn out well again. Either exhaustion or fullness had overcome Bae during his struggle, and the little boy had fallen asleep against the woman’s chest. For once everything seemed to be going well for them and he still couldn’t quite believe it.

The smith’s daughter shifted the boy in her arms as she closed the lacing of her dress with her free hand. “Ehm, I think it would be best, if Baelfire stayed here tonight.” From one moment to the next his smile froze and she hurried to continue to speak. “He is still very weak and I think it might be best if I nursed him again during the night.”

Her tone was soft, but that didn’t change anything, as Rumplestiltskin struggled to breathe. His son, he couldn’t just..! But he had to. He didn’t trust his voice, so he merely nodded. This wasn’t about him, this was about Bae and in truth her being willing to keep him even longer than intended was only a good sign for things to come.

If she noticed his struggle, she didn’t comment on it. Instead she got up and cleared her throat, before she looked at him hesitatingly. “Can you make it back home…?”

He couldn’t of course, but even if she might have discovered some affection for his son, he couldn’t expect her to suffer his presence for any longer than she already had, so he simply nodded again. “When can I take him back?”

“Well, I should be up just after dawn, if you came shortly after, it would be good.”

He nodded again stiffly. He didn’t like the thought of a whole night without his son, but he couldn’t risk this opportunity for care, just because the mere thought of not being with his Bae crushed him. “Do you need anything for him…?”

It was a ridiculous question, of course. He hadn’t had much to begin with and Milah had taken what money they had managed to save over the years, while the house – a house, not a hut- she lived in showed only too clearly that her family was a prosperous one. Still, he was Bae’s father and he had to ask and she seemed to accept that, as she merely shook her head, without a hint of mockery. “No, I’ll just put him in the crib with Felicienne and then we’ll make do until tomorrow.”

He gripped his staff even harder, before he dared to speak again. “Before I go, can I…?” She nodded and handed him the sleeping infant. It took some struggling to both keep his footing and hold Bae securely, it always did, but he had some practice by now, so even with his mistreated leg it only took him a few moments, before he could hug his son firmly to his chest. Rumplestiltskin pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “Papa will be back soon, don’t worry.”

Rumplestiltskin couldn’t stand to meet the woman’s gaze as he handed her the infant again. He didn’t know what would be worse to see in the only face not Bae’s in oh so long, that had looked at him with anything other than hatred, pity or disgust and he didn’t care to find out. Not today.

Instead he concentrated on mustering the last bit of his strength to hobble outside. There was no way he would make it back home that night, but there was a low shack with straw for the animals next to the house and somehow he managed to heave himself up to the crate, before his leg finally gave in.


	3. Chapter Three

Rumplestiltskin himself was not quite sure, if he had truly fallen asleep the night before or rather succumbed to his weariness and simply lost consciousness. Either way he had barely registered his alertness slipping away, when a soft shake of his shoulder brought him back to the land of the living.

For a moment he was utterly disorientated as he blinked against the early morning sun, but then he recognised the woman before him and all at once the events of the day before came back to him. He sat up with a jolt and promptly hissed in pain, when his leg reminded him of yesterday’s extortions. The evening before he had been utterly unable to take one more step and while the night’s rest had surely done his leg some good, the cold and his makeshift bed had not helped his condition.

He took a few shallow breaths, before he trusted his voice again, but when he finally met her gaze, he knew not what to say. Heat rushed to his face, as he frantically searched for words that could possibly make this situation seem any less pathetic. There were none. Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard and waited for her rebuke, but she simply looked at him softly and bit her lip.

“Come on in. I just fed the children and wanted to tend to the animals, but I’m sure they can wait for a bit longer. Can you make it inside?”

The question was an echo of the evening before and Rumplestiltskin almost nodded, before the shame of being exposed once already made him pause. Slowly he wrestled his leg down from the crate and tested his footing. His bum leg was a mess, but he should be able to hobble inside, as long as he put his weight on his staff, and with one last deep breath he got to his feet. Pain shot up his spine, but it was bearable and he gave the woman a stiff nod.

She didn’t say anything else, but she kept an eye on him as they slowly made their way inside. The main room was just as empty as the evening before and Rumplestiltskin was only too glad to hear the hammering of the forge from outside. It would be too much to hope that Maurice would be just as accommodating as his daughter and that was a confrontation, he’d prefer never to face.

His daughter on the other hand, helped him to a chair and a slice of bread, before she turned to the cradle. Rumplestiltskin nibbled on his bread, thick with marmalade and more sustenance than he had had since the day before the last, but even his stomach had not much interest in her generous offering, when the woman in question lifted Bae out of the cradle and carried him over.

It was silly, pathetic even, but when he saw his son again, energetic and happy, tears came to his eyes. Rumplestiltskin rubbed them away harshly and tried not to meet his hostess’ eyes, when he took his son from her. “Papa missed you, my lad. So much.” Bae blinked at him and gurgled happily, seemingly not all that bothered at having spent the first night, since it had been just the two of them, without his father, but Rumplestiltskin rightfully couldn’t bring himself to care. His son was for once well fed and there was the unspoken promise of a continuation of this arrangement.

In the meantime the woman had walked back to the crib, looking down at her own daughter. It was she who broke the silence first. “Bae is about three months now, so I think he should be fine with six feedings a day.” She looked up and met his startled gaze. “If not we can adapt, but I would suggest starting with six times and seeing how content he is.”

Rumplestiltskin hurried to nod. “Yes, yes, that was not-“ He swallowed nervously and looked down to his son, who had busied himself playing with the collar of his cloak. “I just… After I came back it all happened so fast and then Milah was gone and I- I didn’t even know his exact age.” He laughed hollowly. “I figured of course, but I wasn’t really sure. Pretty sad, I know.”

He busied himself with stroking Bae’s hair and a few moments passed in silence, until a hand softly touched his shoulder. She didn’t say anything, but her gaze lacked the condemnation he had expected and that was enough for now.

Rumplestiltskin took another deep breath, before he finally nodded at her and she took a step back again and sat down on another chair. “If that’s how you want to do it, we should.” He clenched the hand that was not holding Bae tightly. “How can I recompense you, madam?” He had little enough, but in his mind what he had could not be spent better than for this.

It was at her to look startled now. “Oh no, I’m doing this for Baelfire. I couldn’t just let a child suffer, when it takes so little on my part to help him. There’s really no need.”

“But there has to be something I can do!” Rumplestiltskin surprised himself with his vehemence, but his insistence came from his heart. She was willing to do so much for them and in his mind not all the gold of the kingdom would ever be enough to repay her for saving his son and overlooking his status as the town outcast.

“There just must be something. After all you’re willing to do, disrupting your life for us…” His voice had lost most of its force, his tone now more pleading than insistent, but he didn’t look away, not even when she let her gaze wander from his threadbare cloak to his battered boots, and blood shot to his face.

“It truly is no matter, but I promise you, if there’s anything you can help me with, I’ll let you know.”

Rumplestiltskin nodded shortly, with as much dignity as someone like him could still muster. That had to be enough and no matter how much he misused her kindness, it was for his son’s sake and no amount of guilt could stop him from doing right by his boy.

She smiled wanly. “And you can call me Belle.”

Rumplestiltskin nodded again, lost for words. While he knew her father as the village’s blacksmith neither she nor her late husband had ever moved in the same cycles as him. Even if he hadn’t been ostracised because of his father’s deeds – and there was a parallel there, he did his best to push away- they had been a good decade younger than him. In the face of his worries her name had not seemed all that important, but now that she mentioned it, shame flooded him at his carelessness.

“Of course, Belle.” He smiled nervously. “I’m Rumplestiltskin.” She knew that of course – everyone knew the coward, the scammer’s son. Still, the thought of her using his name sent a warm rush though him.

“Do you think you can make it back home, already? And I would have the truth this time.”

The warmth fled him at once and he looked back down to Bae. “Probably not…” His voice was barely more than a whisper, but Belle still seemed to have heard him.

“That’s fine.” He dared to look up at that and indeed, she didn’t seem all that disgruntled at his confession. She smiled haltingly and after a moment of hesitation she patted his arm lightly. “Our horse needs a little exercise anyway. Do you think you could manage to ride? I could take Phillip back, when I visit later on.”

“Yes- yes I think I can.” Suddenly the world didn’t seem quite so bleak anymore. He might not have a friend, but at least he had found someone who was willing to help them and that was truly more than he deserved.

* * *

Belle might have been motivated by her desire to have him finally out of her house, but the ride truly helped a lot. His leg might still have pained him, but he needn’t put his weight on it and if the villagers stared at him with blatant disdain as he made his way back home, Bae’s new situation made it all too easy to ignore them for the moment. Even the tending of the horse was not as bad as he thought it would be. Phillip was a mild animal, obedient and content enough to be tied to a tree behind the hut, after Rumplestiltskin had hobbled around him and rubbed him down with an old rag.

Exhaustion slowly caught up with him, when he finally settled Bae back into his crib, but it was bearable. With a long sigh Rumplestiltskin sank down on a stool and closed his eyes. He could hear Bae’s even breathing next to him. Even though he seemed to have gained new strength, now that hunger wasn’t gnawing at him anymore, the strangeness of the last day still seemed to have been a bit too much for the little boy and he had promptly fallen asleep again, when he had found himself back in familiar surroundings.

Rumplestiltskin had done his best up until now to think as little as possible about what would have been, if he hadn’t found a wet nurse for Bae, but now that he had overcome that obstacle, the dark thoughts swarmed his head. There had simply been nothing more he could do, once it became clear that Bae wouldn’t endure on goat’s milk. He was simply too young for any kind of solid food and Milah had made it more than clear that she wanted nothing more to do with either him or his son, when she had  left their home. If Belle hadn’t taken pity on them, his son would have died and the thought sent a cold shudder down his spine. He didn’t know how he could possibly ever repay her.

He probably would never be able to do that, but he’d try at least. When he got up, his leg protested again, but Rumplestiltskin ignored it. There would be enough time for soothing compresses in the evening, after his work was done, but for now he’d just have to ignore the pain as he hopped towards his spinning wheel. It was an undignified way of getting from one place to another, even with the help of his staff, but it got him where he wanted to be without straining his leg and that was good enough for him.

The wool at least slipped through his fingers as effortlessly as always and even if he wasn’t sure how successful he would be selling his yarn to people who condemned him so, spinning was the only real skill he had and the only way he could support his son. Somehow they would manage and he’d find a way to repay Belle for saving his boy. Even if she had only acted out of pity and despite Bae’s parentage, Rumplestiltskin would never be able to forget what she’d done.


	4. Chapter Four

To Rumplestiltskin’s surprise Belle’s first visit wasn’t nearly as tense as he had expected. Morning had almost gone by and despite the pain Rumplestiltskin had managed to make a respectable amount of yarn when she knocked on the door. Shame threatened to overcome him, when she entered and gave his home a curious once-over, but when she said nothing about his humble abode, he managed a wobbly smile.

“Can I offer you anything? Tea?” They didn’t have much, after the weeks he had stayed at home, caring for Bae, but there should at least be some nettle tea left. The offer made him feel more like a proper host, than the pitiable excuse of a man he was, at least.

She shook her head in denial, but she did it with a quick smile. “No thank you, I don’t want to stay too long. I left Feli with a neighbour for a bit and I still have to prepare lunch for my father.”

Rumplestiltskin nodded in understanding. “And how is Felicienne?” Belle turned around from the crib she had just bend over and smiled at him, a surprised gesture that warmed Rumplestiltskin with its sincerity. “Very well. She is teething, so she is a little uncomfortable, but other than that she’s doing very well. And what about Bae? Has he been well?” She turned back to the crib again and picked up the child in question. Bae blinked at her sleepily, but he didn’t make a fuss as she cradled him to her chest again.

“He has been a bit fretful for a while and I think he’s getting hungry again. He mostly slept the day away.” Rumplestiltskin wetted his lips. “I think yesterday was a bit much for him.” And the day before and the day before that… He shook his head in a try to chase the thought away. Yes, he had slept the morning away, but he seemed very interested in Belle’s long curls right now and it had been quite some time, since he had seen his boy so concentrated on anything.

Belle for her part only nodded, as she opened her blouse and allowed Bae to nurse. He hesitated at first, but when she gently led his head, the little boy finally latched on to her. “Yes, I think you’re right, he seems hungry enough again, but not too starved, either.” Rumplestiltskin winced at her choice of words, and she cleared her throat a little uneasily. “I mean, it seems as if our current schedule seems to be working, at least for now. I think I will come back at midday and we’ll figure out then if I have to come more often than planned.”

Rumplestiltskin hurried to assent. Belle seemed content enough with their current agreement, but after his abrupt reaction before, he made doubly sure to be agreeable. The last thing he wanted was for his son to go hungry again, but in the end she was the one deciding his fate and any help she was willing to offer was better than the alternative.

As it turned out his cautiousness was unwarranted. Bae seemed happy enough until she came back that midday and later on just after midday, in the early and late afternoon and finally just after dusk. It was strange to have someone else his house though, and Rumplestiltskin busied himself with his spinning wheel just as much in order to give himself something other to do than to nervously follow her every move with his eyes, as in order to get some work done.

When she came for her last visit of the day, just after dusk, he couldn’t help himself, but speak up, though. “I didn’t quite realise how much effort this would be for you.” He swallowed down the apology that loomed ominously on the tip of his tongue. It wouldn’t be honest, he just couldn’t be sorry about anything that helped his lad. Still, he wished he could do something to make this easier for her. He would gladly bring Bae to her, for example, but he knew only too well what the village thought of him and he didn’t want to bring their ire down on Belle any more than her mere help already would.

Belle for her part seemed tired, but she only shrugged his offer off with a wan smile.

“It is no matter. There is not much to do at home, anyway. Felicienne is little trouble really and my father is out for most of the day and it’s just the three of us now.” She quieted suddenly and for a moment her smile turned brittle.

Only her father and her daughter… Rumplestiltskin looked down at the spindle in his hand, at a loss for words. It was his fault that this kind, generous woman was a widow already and he couldn’t even formulate a word of comfort. He truly was a disgrace…

But what was there left for him to say? I’m sorry I wanted to live too much to be brave? I’m sorry that I bought my life at the cost of those of all the other men? The thought alone made him shudder, but he still forced himself to lift his gaze again and look at her. He owed her that much at least.

Belle’s eyes where shinning wetly and she held Bae as if he was all that was anchoring her. Rumplestiltskin tried to convey the regret he couldn’t quite voice with his gaze, but he doubted that it did much good.

The parted in silence that day and Rumplestiltskin lay awake late into the night, her sad expression in front of his mind’s eye.

* * *

Rumplestiltskin still had no idea what to say to her the next morning and when dawn came and went and there still was no sign of Belle, dread started to fill him. Bae had long begun to wriggle in his crib, and he settled him on his lap. His lad was sucking on his fingers, and Rumplestiltskin watched him helplessly. What if he had driven Belle away with his carelessness? Rumplestiltskin bit down hard on his lip. If he had only said something, anything, given her a sign that he was sorry, truly sorry…

He looked down at his son. Bae already looked so much more energetic than only two days ago and he didn’t dare to imagine, what would happen, if he suddenly had to go back to goat’s milk. At least his leg was better again. Rumplestiltskin would still be hard pressed to walk, but if he truly had to, he could probably make it to the next town… But first of all he had to try to apologise to Belle. Maybe, if he pleaded enough, he could convince her to reconsider, for Bae’s sake.

Rumplestiltskin jerked around sharply, when the door finally opened with a groan. It was Belle, breathless, but apparently no angrier than she had been the day before.

“I’m sorry, I’m late, but I had some problems this morning.”

“It’s no matter!” he hurried to assure her and leaped up to take her cloak. He promptly regretted his enthusiasm, when his leg gave in beneath him. Rumplestiltskin saved himself from an ungraceful contact with the floor by grasping for his chair and flushed deeply, when Belle took a moment to simply stare at his antics, before she shook her head with a smile. “I’m still sorry to have kept you waiting.” With a few careful tugs she loosened the sling from her back, and set the infant Rumplestiltskin had completely overlooked in his surprise down on the pelt before the hearth. The child was bigger than Bae and a few good months older – about nine months of age he wagered, remembering how heavily pregnant her mother had been when the army had marched.

Rumplestiltskin had no clear recollection of her father. The smith’s apprentice had not only been a good decade younger than him, but also one of those men that seemed to favour the sort of proactive approach to live that he had never quite managed to muster. Still, even without knowing him all that well, he could see that his daughter resembled him more than her mother. She was a robust child, who didn’t seem to share her mother’s delicate build, and both her hair and her eyes were darker than Belles’s, a deep black and warm brown respectively. He still thought to recognize some of her mother in her smile, even though he had never seen Belle smile so carefreely.

He only turned away from the little girl, when her mother took Bae from him. “Oh, you poor thing… He really seems to be quite famished.”

“He awaited your return with baited breath, at least.” Rumplestiltskin startled himself with his quip and was even more surprised, when she laughed at it.

“Then I really shouldn’t keep him waiting any longer or he will never forgive me.” Belle loosened her corset to let him nurse, and Bae latched onto her eagerly.

Rumplestiltskin turned his gaze back to the floor, when he heard a startled gurgling. Felicienne seemed to be more than a little confused to see her mother with another child, and Rumplestiltskin couldn’t help but chuckle at the girl’s expression. Carefully he lowered himself to the floor. He had to fumble a bit until he finally managed to stretch out his bad leg properly. The little girl looked at him curiously, but when he failed to do anything more entertaining than looking back at her, she busied herself by pulling herself upright into a sitting position and giggling happily, while she combed the thick fur with her fingers. 

She just seemed so much more active than Bae, and for a moment he couldn’t help but imagine how his son would look, half a year of proper care later. Rumplestiltskin could imagine him being just as interested in the world around him, from the most mundane thing to the greatest wonder, but he imagined him to be a little shier than Felicienne; his sweet lad simply had a calmer temperament than the older girl. And maybe a bit more concertation, he mused grinning, as the girl decided that her mother and the strange child were indeed more interesting than the fur she was sitting on.

Smiling, Rumplestiltskin watched the girl frown at her mother, who was still busy nursing Bae. “No need to be jealous, lass, there’s enough of your mother for both of you.” She didn’t understand his words, of course she didn’t, but she still turned her brown eyes on him, for the moment distracted form her mother.

“I hope you don’t mind her prowling around here. She’s starting to crawl, and even though she hasn’t been all that successful yet, she can still make quite a mess.” Rumplestiltskin had to summon a surprising amount of effort to turn his gaze back to Belle.

“Of course not, she seems to be a very sweet girl, very active.” Belle smiled at the description. “That she is.” Carefully she shifted Bae’s weight in her arms. “I’m glad you think so, my … previous arrangement didn’t work out anymore.” She turned her gaze back to Baelfire and licked her lips nervously, and the joy that had slowly, but surely filled his chest at the sight of the happy children dimmed instantly. Her neighbour had looked after Felicienne before – and suddenly she didn’t want to anymore. Three days was more than enough for word of their arrangement to reach even the last person in the village. He swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry…”

She simply shook her head and smiled sadly at him. “You don’t have any reason to feel sorry, Rumplestiltskin.”

“But, I-“

“No, but. It is fine.” She held his gaze for a long moment, until he finally nodded. No matter how guilty he felt, it was not his place to decide whom she should forgive. He could only strive to make her sacrifice worth it.


	5. Chapter Five

It didn’t take long for Bae to regain his strength. With only a few days of Belle’s care he had become more active again, tugging at anything and everything in his reach and putting it in his mouth, if Rumplestiltskin was not fast enough to retrieve it. Incidentally that was a struggle he was willing to face, and when Baelfire started crying again one evening and nothing could sooth him, he took it in stride. So far Belle’s opinion on his care had proven to be nothing but fortunate for his lad, and if she said that he suffered from nothing more than a typical infant’s uneasiness, he would believe her.

It still pained him to see his son exhaust himself crying every night, but he did his best to sooth him, singing old lullabies he only half remembered his aunts singing for him when his father had left him behind once more, or rocking him until he finally fell into a fretful sleep. It pained him to see Bae so uncomfortable, but the relief of him being strong enough to resume his outbursts made more than up for both the pain this helplessness caused him and the sleep he was missing once more.

Incidentally, it didn’t take long until Belle took notice of the situation either. While Bae’s crying spurts usually started after she had already left them for the night, she still examined him critically, when she put Bae down again, not three days after Rumplestiltskin had missed his first night of sleep.

“You don’t look well, Rumplestiltskin. Did something happen?” She stepped even closer and Rumplestiltskin could feel himself flush, when she swept her eyes from his doubtlessly bloodshot eyes to his overall exhausted frame. No matter how much he strived to be the father Baelfire deserved, the lack of sleep had taken their tool.

He shrugged with a carelessness he could not muster in truth. “It is nothing. Bae has just started crying through the night again, but that’s good.”

“Good?” Rumplestiltskin didn’t have to look to know that she looked at him dubiously and he met her gaze with a smile. “Yes, it means that he’s strong enough for it again and that’s worth a hundred sleepless nights!” The yawn that followed his declaration took away some of its insistence, but Rumplestiltskin truly couldn’t care less about his tiredness, as long as it didn’t interfere with his capability of caring for his son. It might have slowed him down a bit though, as he needed a moment to realise what Belle was doing, when she turned towards the food cabinet, after giving him a long disbelieving look.

“What are you doing…?” Belle didn’t even spare him a glance, as she rummaged through the meagre contents of their store. Rumplestiltskin could feel heat rising to his face, when she finally unearthed a shallow pot of oats after an embarrassingly long time of searching. “I’m making you breakfast and don’t you try to protest – you need your strength.”

There was a pitcher of water on the cabinet and Belle added some to the oats, before she put a kettle on the hearth.  “You really don’t have to do this Belle.” Even to his own ears Rumplestiltskin’s voice sounded too hesitant to chip at her determinedness, but that made them no less true. Belle already did so much for them, she truly didn’t need to lower herself to such menial tasks as well.

Still, they made Belle pause for a moment. She turned around and met his gaze evenly. “I don’t have to, but I want to.” Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard, at a loss for words, and quickly lowered his gaze again. To the side the cupboard still stood wide open and the shame of his incapability to provide even the most basic things managed to distract him from the force of her blue eyes, as they had bored into his own.

“I’m not- the cabinet is not usually this empty”, he mumbled more to himself, than to her. “I couldn’t make it to the market when Bae was so… Before. I think I will try to go tomorrow, I should have spun enough.”

That was only partially the truth. It hadn’t been that empty before, that much was true. Not before he went to war and Milah was there to help him by combing the wool and taking care of the house, but he wasn’t quite sure how he should manage all that and Bae all on his own from now on, and the prospect of an once again full store seemed more and more unlikely by the day.

He was careful not to meet Belle’s gaze again, as he turned around to watch the children play. Felicienne had at first been very unimpressed by the much younger Bae, but after she had studied her surroundings to her hearts content and didn’t have any more energy to rob all over the floor – she still had not quite mastered crawling, but seemed intend to get there as soon as possible – she usually returned to the giggling toddler, who in turn had been very much fascinated by her from the beginning. Right now the little girl occupied herself with pulling at the blanket Bae was lying on, and while her tugs didn’t do much, his lad still started to giggle very time she pulled.

Belle’s voice seemed to come from far away, when she spoke again. “If you’re sure you can manage, what will you do with Bae?” He was doubly glad that he had his gaze firmly fixed on the children at that. While her tone sounded as kind as ever, he just couldn’t bear to see the doubt that her eyes undoubtedly held.

“I will take him with me, it should be warm enough under my cloak and he doesn’t mind the sling.”

“But why?” There was real puzzlement in her voice and Rumplestiltskin couldn’t help turning towards her again. She had turned away from the kettle with the porridge and her frown hurt almost more than he thought it would. “I can look after him, it’s cold and you don’t need to worry about him, if I watch him.”

“Are you really sure?” Belle seemed intent on her offer, but this was exactly the sort of thing he wouldn’t want to burden her with, just because she was too kind to stay quiet. “He usually has his crying bursts at night, but before he also sometimes had them through the day…”

Even the prospect of a crying infant didn’t seem to fray her resolve. “Of course I am, Rumplestiltskin. I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.” She smiled warmly at him and all further protests died on his tongue. “I will get him tomorrow morning or-”, she halted and bit her lip. “Maybe we could just stay here.  Papa will be at the market too, and we would only be alone at home….”

To Rumplestiltskin the prospect of the much more generous house, empty or not, didn’t seem to be at all unappealing and he was looking at her questioningly, when the coin finally dropped. The discovery of one of Milah’s shawls behind a stack of baskets a few days ago had unsettle him so much that he had been unable to do more than cling to Bae for half the day and even though he was convinced that Belle’s relationship to her husband had been a much happier one, he couldn’t imagine that she enjoyed being all alone with the memories.

“Well, if you’re really sure, I’d be very thankful”, he finally answered and her answering smile warmed him from tip to toe.

* * *

The market was even more of a disaster than he had feared. Rumplestiltskin had anticipated derision, maybe even an unwillingness to pay the prices he usually got – and which were already lower than they should be, as he just never had the nerve to haggle- but what he hadn’t expected was to be treated as air.

People still send him withering looks, but no one came close enough to his cart to spare his wares a glance, not even to curse him or spit. Cold dread flooded his belly as he watched them snub him in favour of the stand of the shepherd’s wife, no matter that her wares boasted both a much lower quality and a higher price. Rumplestiltskin was determined to make as much as possible of what little he had, but even he couldn’t turn straw to gold and right then it didn’t look as if he had a chance to earn even that much.

Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard and forced himself to take a deep breath. He was not alone anymore and if he gave up, he would not just damn himself, but also Bae, and that was simply not a possibility, even if he ignored the sick feeling that overcame him at the thought of disappointing Belle.

He did his best not to let his desperation show as he slowly made his way through the market. It was a struggle to keep his balance with his staff and pull the cart at the same time, and with the hindrance of his leg the way would have been a struggle at the best of times. With the cold glares of the townspeople in his neck, it was horrible. He stumbled every few paces and even though he managed to always catch himself in time, his leg pained him more and more with every jolt. His intention of not showing his fear was short lived as well. A braver man would have stood proud and tall, putting on an air of bravado. Desperate men were men to be exploited, his father had thought him that lesson early on, but he just couldn’t help ducking his head and looking at his feet, as he made his way to the village’s tailor.

Murdoc was a wiry old man, too feeble to lift a sword and thusly excluded from the recruitment and as mean spirited as he was old. Rumplestiltskin was anxious about dealing with him on the best of days and today was no good day. He already knew what his answer would be, before he even reached his stall, but he still had to try. For Bae, his sweet son, and Belle, who somehow actually seemed to believe in him.

“Good day, Murdoc. I have new yarns, maybe you might have use for some of them?” His voice was uncertain and with the hustle of the market, Rumplestiltskin honestly believed that he hadn’t heard them, when the tailor didn’t respond at first. Hesitatingly he lifted his gaze from the coarse fabrics on the stall to the man behind it. “I’m sorry, but I have yarns I’d like to offer you.” His voice was louder now, but Murdoc was still busying himself by smoothing the fabrics on offer, as if Rumplestiltskin didn’t stand just before him. “I’m sorry, but-“

“I heard you the first time coward, now take your wire and be gone!” The man’s voice was as sharp as he had never heard before and cold realisation made Rumplestiltskin freeze. “One would think you’d have taken the hint the first time, but even that has to be too much to expect from one as you!”

Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard, unsure where to look. Suddenly the conversations around them had stopped and a deathly quiet had settled over the square. All eyes seemed to be on him, burning holes through his skin and scorching his flesh. If it were just him, that would be the moment he would have turned and run, but it wasn’t only him anymore and a naïve little part of him still hoped that not all was lost yet.

“Please”, the words threatened to get stuck in his throat, but he somehow managed to give them voice, although shakingly. “Please, at least look at them, not for me, but for my boy-” He offered him a deep blue spool of his finest embroidery yarn, a piece he had spent hours on, mixing the ingredients until the colour was just right. Like a sunny sky (or warm eyes, looking at him, smiling).

Murdoc shoved his hand away in one brash movement and the spool fell to the mud. “What do I care for your get, coward! Be gone and leave us honest folk alone.” He snorted with disdain and suddenly whispers sprang up all around him.

 _“Be gone!”_  
“That he had to nerve to show his face here!”   
“Bad enough that he had to pull that poor woman down to his level.”

Murdoc laughed hoarsely. “Must have been quite a shrew to begin with, if she lowered himself to the like of him!”

At once Rumplestiltskin’s head snapped up. They could insult him all he liked, but Belle, sweet, kind Belle, didn’t deserve any of it!

“Don’t speak of her like that!” His vehemence surprised himself and for a moment the whispers quieted indeed, but it took only a moment for them to pick up even louder.

 _“Well, he would defend his little whore!”_  
“Who does he even think he is!”  
“Didn’t seem too tearful about her husband’s death, if you ask me.”  
“Probably cursed him herself, the little witch!”

A braver man would have spoken up, defended her, if not himself. But Rumplestiltskin was not that man, he was a coward and he knew not what to say that would not make them damn her even more. Any word he’d muster as her defence would only be used against her, so he took hold of his cart and stumbled away as fast as his treacherous legs would carry him. The sneers followed him until he reached the very edge of town and the rocks they threw after him only a little less.

When he finally reached the relative safety of his hut, he was out of breath and his leg had started to swell again. For a moment Rumplestiltskin simply leaned against the wall and took a few long, deep breaths. From within he could hear muffled talking and he could almost see Belle before his inner eye, the children on her lap, spinning a tale of beautiful princesses and brave knights as she was wont to do. There was nothing he’d like more than stepping inside and listening to her as well and if anyone happened to look at them, they’d think they were a proper family…

But he couldn’t of course and Rumplestiltskin balled his fists in his desperation. He just didn’t know what to do. They couldn’t go on like that. It had just been such a comfortable situation with them coming as close to being a real family, as he could hope for, but his contentment had lead him to forget what had already made itself apparent the second day she came to him: People would not approve and it seemed time had made their judgment only crueller. Guiltily he thought about what his Belle had to have endured in the meantime. She’d not lost one word about the matter, but he wasn’t exactly surprised. Belle was a good person, someone who had enough kindness in her heart even for him. She would not want to burden anyone else with what she considered her own problems, no matter that she was not the one at fault.

If it had only been himself, he would just go in, thank her for her help and send her away, but it wasn’t only him. There was also Bae to think of and even though he was already so much better than he had been, he still relied on her to nurse him. Tiredly Rumplestiltskin rubbed his eyes and pushed the cart to the shed beside the house. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew he had to do  _something._

What greeted him when he had finally braced himself to enter, was not quite the picture he had imagined, but it was close. Belle had armed herself with a broom and was sweeping the floor, singing softly and not quite on-key, while the children played on a thick blanket to the side. Rumplestiltskin hadn’t thought that he could possibly feel even guiltier, but the scene proofed him wrong.

It took Belle a moment to notice him standing in the door and when she did see him, she halted her singing, smiling sheepishly. “You’re back early.” She stroked a curl behind her ear and the sight of her flushed and so happy about his apparent success, rooted him to the spot. Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard once, twice, but his tongue still refused to obey him. Slowly he slumped down and pressed his hands hard to his eyes. He couldn’t even muster the strength to speak to her, he really was a disgrace.

A soft hand touched his shoulder. “Rumplestiltskin, what happened?” He didn’t deserve her pity, but he was weak and so he leaned into her touch. At least the warmth of her hand grounded him enough to finally find the most important words that had evaded him before.

“I’m just so sorry, Belle.”

“But why?” A warm hand touched his face and reluctantly, he took his hands away. Belle was kneeling next to him, her beautiful blue eyes full of concern. He simply couldn’t  _not_  tell the truth when she was looking at him like that and in a way it helped.

“I failed, again. No one even looked at me, but that’s not- They didn’t only curse me, they cursed you!” He watched her appalled, waiting for her outrage, but she only nodded.

“I know what they’re saying, I heard it before, but Rumplestiltskin”, she looked at him imploringly. “I don’t care. I should have expected that much and even if I had thought about it, it wouldn’t have mattered. A child’s life is more important than any insults and you don’t deserve any of it either!”

He laughed hollowly. “Of course I do, you should know that better than most!”

Belle shrank back at his words, only a little, but it was enough. Rumplestiltskin nodded sadly. He didn’t want to hurt her further, but it wasn’t fair for him to conceal his deeds. “I’m sorry to make you think of it again, but it’s the truth, it’s all my fault…”

For a long moment Belle only looked down at the floor, her curls a thick curtain that obscured her face. It was strange to see her so subdued. Even in the beginning, when she had been so hesitant towards him, she had never been truly unsure. He should have thought more about what she had gone through after her husband’s death, but  he had been too busy with his own worries to wonder and now it was most likely too late to make up for it…

There was nothing Rumplestiltskin would have rather done than look away from her then. A broken Belle was not something he was prepared to face, not when everything he touched turned to ash. He didn’t know what to do to make it all better, but the least he owed her after everything was to not turn away, when he was already too much of a failure to do anything more. He still looked at her, when she finally turned to him again, sad, but with intent eyes.

“Don’t be. They would have died either way, the only difference would have been, that Baelfire would have been all alone, if you had died too.” Slowly she got to her feet again and went to pick up Felicienne. When she spoke next, her voice was almost too quiet to hear. “I hated you for that in the beginning. If you could come back and be there for your child, then Gaston could have done the same and suddenly his death would have been for nothing…” She turned back towards him again, just before the door. “All this hate- in truth it’s not about what you did, it’s about what everyone else didn’t do. Please remember that.”

She left with that, but her words echoed in his head for a long while. The possibility that he might not have been at fault for his battalion’s death had never crossed his mind before and it was a hard concept to grasp. And even if it was so, what would it change?  _Everything._  People would still hate him and he doubted that anyone else would be self-aware enough to realise what they did, even if it were true.  _But Belle did_. He would forever be the outcast, the coward.  _But maybe he could believe that he was more than that, if she kept looking at him like that._

His thoughts went in circles, as he put his sleeping son back in in his crib and went back to his spinning, but they always came back to one point: Belle wished her husband had done what he did…

* * *

Rumplestiltskin hadn’t truly doubted that Belle would come by later in the day to care for Bae, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t tongue-tied all the same. There was a strained silence between them, as he watched her take his son, his thoughts whirling. He didn’t know what to think anymore, and he certainly had no idea what to do about this new revelation – if he accepted it-, Belle’s thought on the matter and the villagers’ derision, that would not be swayed either way.

Helplessly, he stood just behind her, unable to do anything, but watch, as she once again helped his son.

“What about the next town over?”

“What?” Rumplestiltskin looked at her startledly. Belle’s voice was quiet, and her eyes still fixed on the nursing Bae, when she spoke again. ”I could look after the children again, if you go there. The people don’t know you in the bigger market towns, you could sell your wares there and you could probably find even more people willing to buy your finer thread in a richer town.”

There was a world of implication in her words and Rumplestiltskin needed a moment, before he could answer. She had said her piece on the villager’s reaction and now it was at him to come to terms with it, but whatever he decided to believe, she would be going nowhere.

He nodded, no matter that she was still looking at Bae. He was not worth her kindness, but it was not at him to doubt her decisions and if she was willing to stand by them, then there was nothing for him to do, but try to repay her kindness.

“If you are still willing to do that, I’ll try.”

Belle looked up at that, a fierce smile lighting up her whole face.

“Of course I am.”


	6. Chapter Six

Rumplestiltskin had resolved to try, but no one was more surprised than him, when for once things turned out well.

When he had first made the way to the next big market town, he had truly expected meagre trade. His wares were of the best quality, even with all his self-doubt he still had enough pride in his trade to admit as much, but he himself was only a lame spinner, and the passing customer would surely not pass one of the lavish stalls all around him to take a closer look at his shabby cart. As it turned out they truly didn’t, but the weavers and tailors were by far more impressed by the quality of a thread than its surroundings and when a lissom old weaver offered silver for his spools and looked shrewdly at him, as if he expected Rumplestiltskin to drive the price up, he didn’t even care that he was too stunned to bargain and probably lost quite a bit of money.

The weaver took the whole content of his cart, obviously pleased with the bargain he had just made and encouraging Rumplestiltskin to come directly to him the next time he was in town.

Rumplestiltskin was intelligent enough to realise that he had apparently undercharged his own wares, but he had never earned as much money in his life and still couldn’t quite believe his luck, as he perused the colourful market, empty card in tow.

Belle had been absolutely right, he realised. Not only in so far that people couldn’t be bothered less about his person here, there was an actual market for the finer threads he produced. In his village practicability had always been valued over beauty, but Rumplestiltskin had always considered himself a craftsman and so he had continued to make fine threads in bright colours no one there really wanted. Here there were tailors and weavers and seamstresses who made beautiful fabrics and ostentatious clothes for people who had money for such fripperies.

It wasn’t even only the cloth, Rumplestiltskin quickly realised as he wandered around the market with wonder. There were delicate little pastries formed like swans and porcelain so fine one could almost see through it.

Rumplestiltskin still couldn’t quite believe that his luck would hold, but it had been a long time since he had had so much of it, so he spent one of his precious silver coins on two soft dolls with delicately embroidered faces and a scroll with the tales Belle loves so much.

Her delighted smile made up for the indulgence when he finally got back home and even though the children didn’t show their appreciation quite so obviously, he still smiled when Bae started to nibble on his doll, while Feli delighted in throwing hers as far as she could manage. It was total nonsense of course, but for a moment he allowed himself to imagine that this was real, that they were one family in truth.

* * *

The success of the market day gave him new enthusiasm for his spinning and while he had feared that the fact that he was slowly getting his life together would mean that Belle would not stay as much anymore, he was pleasantly surprised when she continued to linger even on days he spent at home. Sometimes she even read to him, while he spun. That were his favourite days, though those on which he returned to a home filled with laughter after he came back from the market town were a close second.

If he was especially lucky and they talked late into the night, she would sometimes even stay. The first time, they had forgotten the time over him recounting the antics of some of the people at the market and he had hesitantly pointed out that he had a second pallet and she was welcome to stay if she didn’t want to brave the cold so late with a little child, he had fully expected to rebuff him promptly. With kind words of course, because that was just who his Belle was, but still. He was suitable stunned, when she simply nodded and agreed to the kind offer.  

The villagers still snubbed him and he had to life with the guilty certainty that Belle had to feel their derision even more keenly, as she didn’t hide away in his hut as he did when he wasn’t leaving town. Still, life was good again and Rumplestiltskin simply couldn’t help, but wait for the second shoe to drop.

* * *

His caution was proven right half a moon after his first foray to the market town, when Maurice halted him on his way back home.

It had been a busy day and a tailor had taken him to the side after his wares had been sold to discuss a special order of embroidery yarn, so that dusk was already settling, when he finally neared his home again. Rumplestiltskin was in high spirits as he almost skipped the last paces to the edge of the village. The tailor had proposed regular orders if the first one turned out satisfactory and Rumplestiltskin couldn’t wait to tell Belle the good news. If the proposal worked out, he would have a guaranteed source of income for the foreseeable future and the prospect of not worrying about money was a startling one.

He didn’t see the figure waiting on the side of the road just before his home, until the blacksmith stepped in his way.

“We need to talk and now, spinner.”

At once all his exuberance vanished and was replaced with naked fear. “Did something happen to Belle? The children?”

“Yes – you did.” Maurice snorted at his startled look. “This can’t go on like that. My girl spends more nights at your hovel than at home and people talk. It was bad enough when she only nursed the boy.” He shrugged gruffly. “I can understand wanting to help a child, but I can’t understand playing house with the town coward.” Maurice looked at him darkly. “My Belle is lonely with her husband gone so young and with nursing the child the lines have started to blur for her. You can still bring the boy by for her to nurse until he can be weaned, but I won’t let you exploit her kindness any longer.”

Rumplestiltskin was startled into silence. No matter that he didn’t want to hear the words, Maurice was right. He had let the fantasy overwhelm him and forgotten what their arrangements meant for Belle as everything had started to look up for him.

He swallowed hard. “I will talk to her…” Maurice nodded curtly, before leaving him behind in the dark.

It was a short walk to his hut from there and for once Rumplestiltskin wished he could delay arriving infinitely. He knew he had to talk to Belle when he got there and he simply had no idea what to say. He didn’t  _want_ to say anything at all, but that would have been poor thanks for her help. If he asked her not to come anymore and still brought Bae to her, then the both of them could go on living contently. There would be no one hurt anymore – no one, but him.

Rumplestiltskin shook his head violently, hand already against the door handle. His misdirected feelings had no place in this. For once he would have to do the brave thing and let go.

Belle had already put the children to bed and had set down in front of the hearth with a cup of nettle tea. When he entered she looked up from the scroll she was reading with a bright smile that instantly dimmed, when she took in his face. “Is everything alright?”

For a moment he consider just shaking his head and telling her that nothing was the matter, but the moment was fleeting and in the end he only took one last moment to burn the image of her so comfortable in his home to his mind.

“This can’t go on like this, Belle.” His voice was quiet, but sure and the sound gave him the strength to go on, when Belle looked at him with unsure blue eyes. “But why?”

“I- People talk.” Rumplestiltskin looked at her earnestly and hoped she understood that he truly wanted to help her. “It has only gotten worse and it will only continue to do so, if we don’t do anything.” He breathed in deeply. This hurt almost more than he could stand, but he owed it to her to make her see. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore. Your father-“

While he had spoken Rumplestiltskin had forced himself not to look away from her and so he had had to watch the expression on her face shift from incomprehension to hurt. At his last words the heartbreak was suddenly replaced by righteous fury.

“My father?!” He nodded dumbly, not quite understanding her volatile reaction. “This is none of his business! I won’t go! You are my friend and this is just utter rubbish! I won’t let these spiteful gossips dictate what I can and can’t do!”

Rumplestiltskin bit down on his lip. Of course his brave Belle would not be cowed by such concerns. Still, he had to try to make her see the danger for her own good. “But even if it’s rubbish, they believe it and they won’t stop punishing you for helping me.” He shrugged awkwardly. “I could bring Bae to you instead, you could still help him, if you want to, but this way, they wouldn’t have so much to hold against you.”

“No-“ It looked as if she was about to start another heated argument, when she suddenly froze. “Or do you want me not to come anymore?”

He should say yes, Rumplestiltskin knew that. He really should and Belle would go home again, to her real home, and she would be safe once more. But she was looking at him with wide hurt eyes, as unsure as he had never seen her before. Hesitant yes, but never so unsure…

“No, I don’t.” Belle stumbled back, a heartbroken look on her face and Rumplestiltskin hurried to correct himself. “I mean I don’t want you not to come anymore.” He looked at her pleadingly, at the end of his tether. “I just don’t want to exploit your kindness.”

Belle took a step towards him again and took his hand. Her skin felt blazing hot against his palm. “Was that your idea?” Rumplestiltskin shook his head.

“No, it wasn’t, but that doesn’t make it any less true. You’re just kind and lonely and I want more than I deserve, and ignore all the consequences.” He took a sharp breath, and looking at her astonished expression, he feared he had said altogether too much. He couldn’t quite bring himself to regret it, though, when she squeezed his hand.

“I don’t care what people say. You’re brilliant and deserve the world, and anyway”, she smiled at him brazenly. “No one decides my fate, but me. Not you, not my father and certainly not these horrible gossips!”

Rumplestiltskin lowered his eyes abashedly. “Oh Belle… You give me too much credit.” She took one of her hands away and as he still mourned the loss, she touched his chin and made him look up again.

“No, I don’t.” She hugged him then and Rumplestiltskin couldn’t help himself. He buried his face against her shoulder and started to sob into the coarse fabric of her dress. Belle didn’t let go of him. She murmured sweet nonsenses and stroked his hair, until the treacherous tears finally stopped.

He couldn’t quite bring himself to let go of her then and when she made no move to do so herself, he just laid his head back against her shoulder.

“You know, I’m not so lonely anymore”, she said eventually. Rumplestiltskin tried to step back, but she held on tightly to him and he finally rested back against her. “I’m glad.”

She laughed quietly. “I am too. Gaston always was my very best friend. I mean he was my father’s apprentice and so we were always pushed together. I just always knew that we would spend our lives together and when he was suddenly gone- I just felt so alone, even with Feli, especially with Feli.” She breathed in deeply and the air tickled his face. “I still miss him, but I don’t feel so alone anymore and I have you to thank for that.”

Rumplestiltskin hesitated, before he spoke, not quite sure if it was his place. “I- I think I was just too busy to really think about Milah before. First there was Bae to worry about and then the villagers and… I’m not really sure what to feel.” Somehow it was easier to unburden himself so, when he didn’t have to see her face. “I just- I don’t think I do really miss her, not like she was in the end. I should, I really should, but what she said about Bae- I just can’t forget that.” He laughed hollowly. “I’m a horrible person.”

“No you’re not!” Belle finally pushed him away far enough to look at him again, never quite letting go of his arms. “No one can dictate how you feel, Rumplestiltskin. I just hope you’re feeling better again, too.”

He smiled a bit.

“I am.”

* * *

Belle went to speak with her father the next morning and when she came back she had a basket filled with her and Feli’s things. He didn’t say anything, but he squeezed her hand, when she passed him and took the basket from her to set it aside.

The sign was a clear one and while Rumplestiltskin was ecstatic to have Belle and Feli stay with them, he couldn’t help but feel that her move didn’t exactly help their situation. While widowers were given more leeway in these matters, unmarried people simply didn’t live together and it didn’t matter that nothing happened, her reputation would be damaged. Rumplestiltskin didn’t doubt that a woman as kind and beautiful and simply perfect Belle would have no problem finding a new husband, no matter her reputation, but still, it didn’t help either.

He loved both Felicienne and Belle, of course, and there was nothing he’d love more than to have them stay with him and Bae forever, but he didn’t doubt that she would eventually meet a strapping young man and leave them behind. Maybe she would still visit Bae and she’d probably still consider him a friend, but it would break his heart anyway.

Still, for now she was staying with them and things were better than ever before, at least for him. Belle wasn’t going out much now and the only contact with her father were muffled arguments before the house that left her angry for hours. Rumplestiltskin didn’t know what to do in order to sooth her, but he sat beside her, while she brooded and when she was ready to talk he listened. It wasn’t much, but Belle was calmer afterwards and that was something at least. Still, when it was just the four of them, life was good. They settled into a comfortable routine; he spun, she took care of the house and they looked after the children together. It was a good life, not perfect, but good and Rumplestiltskin could have stayed like this forever. It was not to be of course.

The end began one evening, much like any other.

Rumplestiltskin had spent his day buying new wool for his yarn. The shepherd had been hesitant about selling him even an ounce, but his newly earned coins had convinced him to sell to him after all, although it had not been enough to buy him politeness. Rumplestiltskin stomached his insults well enough when he thought about coming home to Belle and the children, though.

Even when he came back things had looked good. Felicienne was crawling happily all around her mother, who was sitting on the rug before the hearth with Baelfire on her lap. The little boy was busy chewing on his doll, which looked rather worse from wear from when he had been gifted it, but was well loved none the less.

Rumplestiltskin didn’t think his bad leg would take the strain of sitting on the ground next to them, so he sat down on a chair close by. He smiled down at them.

“Did you have a nice day?”

Felicienne stopped her crawling at his feet and Rumplestiltskin lifted her up to his lap. Belle smiled at the two of them. “We had a very nice day. Feli tried to climb out of the crib and almost had a little accident and I think Bae is starting to teeth.”

Rumplestiltskin grinned down to the little girl on his lap. Feli was a little adventuress, and while he was sure that she would get in trouble often still, he hoped she would never lose her determinedness. It took him a moment, until he really registered the rest of what Belle had said.

“Already? Isn’t he a little young still?” He felt the blood leave his face. Belle nodded happily, quite oblivious to the dreed her declaration had caused.

“Well, he is a little on the young side, but not by much.” She rooked the little boy a little. “It won’t be pleasant, but I think we’ll get through it just fine and soon we’ll even be able to try solids!”

Rumplestiltskin nodded, lost in his thoughts. Just as he had feared. Soon enough Bae wouldn’t need Belle to nurse him anymore and he didn’t know what would happen then. After all that had happened, he didn’t believe that she would just up and leave as soon as she could without endangering Baelfire, but he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she might reconsider her options when she had a real choice once again…

Which was good of course, he didn’t want Belle to be dragged down with him, but on the other hand things were already looking up for them. He had been able to save money in the last months and with just a little more he would be able to leave this place and go somewhere people didn’t curse him whenever they saw him.  In his dreams they would go together, but for that he would have to be the brave one for once and act to see if there was a chance to make her stay for good.


	7. Epilogue

_Now:_

Rumplestiltskin was strangely glad that Belle’s smile rooted him to the spot when he entered, otherwise he feared he would have turned around and fled his own home. Instead he braced himself against the door and tried to compose himself again. His stomach was constricting from nerves, and he truly feared he would be sick right there on his boots. How had he ever thought this would be a good idea? He really wasn’t sure anymore, but Belle was looking at him expectantly and there was no way but forward.

He felt like a fool, as he offered her the rose he had hidden behind his back up to that point. It was a deep read one, he had seen on his way and considered a sign, and he flushed just as red as the flower, when he noticed that he had crushed a leaf in his tense grip. Back then it had seemed like a good idea, a symbol that would make at least some of the words that were sure to get stuck in his throat unnecessary, now, on the other hand, it seemed no more than an awkward gesture as Belle looked from the flower to him. At least the children were already asleep. No matter that they wouldn’t be able to truly understand what was happening yet, he didn’t want them to see him embarrass himself so.

“Is that for me?” A smile bloomed on Belle’s face and as so often, Rumplestiltskin was left speechless by the sight, so he only nodded. This was not going well at all and slowly the heat of his blush was replaced by an anxious cold.

“Well, thank you.” She took the rose and sank down into a courtly curtsy, or at least what Rumplestiltskin imagined one would look like. The gesture startled a laugh from him, and suddenly he could move again. His stomach was still feeling as if a swarm of butterflies had gone rampant in it and cold sweet was on his forehead, but somehow seeing her so carefree helped him find himself again. Seeing her always did, and wasn’t that exactly why he was doing this whole thing?

His responding bow was clunky, but it made her laugh in turn and that was all he could ask for.

“Everything for you, my lady.” Rumplestiltskin grinned at her, as he searched frantically for all the words he had concocted on his way here. “I-“ he halted abruptly.

He loved her, wanted her to be by his side always, no matter how unworthy he was of her. He wanted to lay the world at her feet and would do anything in his power to make her happy. He was hers, if she would have him, but how could he take that sentiment, the feeling that made him shudder with nerves as he was trying to speak, to find the words that could express all that he wanted her to know?

“Yes, Rumpel?” Belle bit her bottom lip nervously, the gesture not quite able to hide her smile and the endearment was what made him melt. He would never find the right words, fumbling idiot that he was and so he gathered all his bravery, made another uneven step towards her and leaned in, his heart beating wildly.

In all honesty, Rumplestiltskin had half expected her to turn her head away, and had even moved towards her deliberately slowly as to give her the chance to do just that, so it came as a little shock, when his mouth truly met hers.

The kiss was no fire lapping at his body, no shock going through him. It was warmth and completeness and so much more than he had ever imagined in the guilty moments just before sleep, when he hadn’t been able to stop himself. He fumbled with his sweaty hands for a moment, unsure where to touch her, whether he should even do so, but then she nibbled on his bottom lip and all musings were forgotten as he pulled her even tighter against himself.

It was both an eternity and a single moment, before they broke apart again. Rumplestiltskin shook his head slightly and allowed himself a sheepish smile. “I still don’t know what to tell you.”

Belle laughed at that, a sound like a chorus of bells, and kissed him again, so quickly that he was too startled to react. “I think I already understood the important bits.” She smiled a little abashedly. “I have waited for you to do this for quite some time now. I was beginning to think that I would have to take matters into my own hands.”

Rumplestiltskin hid his face in the crook of her neck, still too overwhelmed with the fact that he could do something like this now without fearing her reaction, to feel anything other than sheer happiness. The rose prickled his neck, where Belle had entwined her still occupied hand, but for the moment he couldn’t care less “You wouldn’t have made such a mess of things, that much is for sure.”

He couldn’t see her face, but he could feel the vehement shake of her head well enough. “You didn’t make a mess of anything, you were wonderful! And even if you had truly made a mess, it wouldn’t have mattered; all that is important is that we are together now.”

Rumplestiltskin looked up at that again, wonder in his eyes. “Together?”

Belle blushed under his gaze. “Yes, I mean, I supposed-“

It was at Rumplestiltskin to interrupt her. “And you did so rightly! That is exactly what I want. You and Feli and Bae and me, as a family.”

She smiled at that. “Yes, just us, and the world can worry about itself for once.”

There were still things to be discussed of course. Rumplestiltskin didn’t truly want to stay in the village that had caused them so much pain, no matter how much joy had sprung from it, and with the money the tailor’s orders were earning him, he would soon have enough coin for them to leave and build a new life for themselves in the market town or wherever else they wished. There were still aspects of their pasts they had to discuss and truths to share and Rumplestiltskin didn’t doubt that Belle would eventually want to reconcile with her father, but for the moment all that mattered was her in his arms and the promise of a better future together.


End file.
